thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
