Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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