Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He better not be in your backpack
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
MIDGETS
????
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
