You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
