You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
