If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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