Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
