Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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