She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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