What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
