woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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