the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
