Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There r osticjed everywhere
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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