the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
