I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
