I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
