actually, I'm a sock model
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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