She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
