Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
