He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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