She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
