this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
