U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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