I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
