I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
