brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
