I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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