I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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