I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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