idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
