My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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