jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
