just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
