My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
