So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
