He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My ass is underappreciated
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
