New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Someone shattered a urinal.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
