I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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