I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
