ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
