What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
