let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
