you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize