He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
