Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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