I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
