I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
