If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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