Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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