Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
