Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
