I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
