my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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