Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
