now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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