Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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