Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
