the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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