She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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