Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
