We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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