I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
