There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
