There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
