My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
