just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
