I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
