Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
