who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize