I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize