My cat gives me a boner
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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