He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
