you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
