is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
