Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize