Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
