I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
