I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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