maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
