i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
