I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
