I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
