Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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