Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
