He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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