Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
